every woman will have an opinIon
April 8th 2010 04:41
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Modern Love
This is Not the Story You Think It Is:
A Season of Unlikely Happiness
Laura Munson
I DON'T LOVE YOU ANYMORE. I'M NOT SURE I EVER DID. His words came at me like a speeding fist, like a sucker punch, yet somehow in that moment I was able to duck. And once I recovered and composed myself, I managed to say, I don't buy it. Because I didn't - You see, I'd recently committed to a non-negotiable understanding with myself. I'd committed to The End of Suffering. I'd - decided to take responsibility for my own happiness. And I mean all of it.
Read the book that spawned the column.
This is Not the Story You Think it Is is a poignant, wise, and often funny memoir, written in real time, in which Munson recounts a period of months in which her faith in herself - and her marriage - was put to the test. Shaken to the core after the death of her beloved father, not finding the professional success that she had hoped for, and after countless hours of therapy, Laura finally, at age forty, realised she had to stop basing her happiness on things outside her control and commit herself to an End of Suffering.
Laura says, If that time of my life had ended in divorce, I'd still consider it one of the most powerful times I've known. It wasn't a strategy to stay married. It was a philosophy to stay healthy. Letting go of the future is a very powerful concept, and an even more powerful practice.
This Is Not The Story You Think It Is chronicles a woman coming to terms with the myths we tell ourselves - and others - about our life and realising that ultimately happiness is completely within our control.
THIS IS NOT THE STORY YOU THINK IT IS is true to its title. The book took me by surprise. I read it in one sitting and loved Munson's tone, wit, wisdom and writing. - Anita Shreve
I like this book so much that I don't want to quote, summarize, interpret - I just hope, if you're in any kind of relationship, that you'll get it and read it. Because here's the rare case when trouble came and someone was actually prepared to deal with it.
- Huffington Post
- Huffington Post
Laura Munson's memoir is a passionate, funny, and painfully honest account of how, in the midst of emotional crisis, one always has a choice between peace and suffering. Soulfully written and full of humor - this is a wise, wonderful book!
Kirk Farber, author of Postcards From A Dead Girl
Kirk Farber, author of Postcards From A Dead Girl
It's rare to read a story that is so deeply personal, so fraught with heartache, so nakedly honest, and at the same time infused with such astute wisdom - This book has the potential to start a cultural revolution.
Leif Peterson, author of Catherine Wheels and Normal Like Us
Leif Peterson, author of Catherine Wheels and Normal Like Us
A CONVERSATION WITH LAURA MUNSON
Q: This book had its origins in a Modern Love column you wrote for The New York Times in 2009. What was the column about, and what was the reaction to it?
A: It was about a rough patch in my marriage and how I responded to my husband's proclamation of disaffection - his telling me that he wasn't sure he loved me anymore - by saying I didn't buy it. I felt instead that it was his own crisis of self, and that my work was to get out of his way, to control what I could control, commit to non-suffering, and let go of the rest. My job at that time, and all the time really, is to be responsible for my own well-being, regardless of what's at hand. The column got a huge, instant response from people of all kinds, from all over the world. I heard from women, men, married people, unmarried people, older people, young people, divorced people, straight and gay people.
Q: Would you have been able to react as you did if you had discovered your husband was having an affair?
A: Well, I don't know, because that's not my story. I asked him if there was a third party involved, he said no, there were no specific arrows pointing me to that conclusion, and so rather than enduring the suffering it would take to doubt him and try to find out definitively whether or not he was having an affair, I chose to believe him. I think highly of my husband.
Q: What do you say to people who think your actions were anti-feminist?
A: What's more feminist than being strong in your own skin? I chose to be strong in my convictions and instincts and that's an empowering message for women. I didn't believe the marriage was meant to end. If I did, I would have taken him up on his request to separate. Or I would have initiated that conversation myself.
Read more on Laura's website: lauramunsonauthor
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